Don’t be not Apple: It’s the right thing to do

25.08.2015
Ready for a trip down the rabbit hole, Alice

Writing for TechCrunch, Jon Evans say “Don’t Be Apple”.

And by “Don’t be Apple”, he means don’t be the alternate reality Apple he’s created that has a goatee, an agony booth and whose logo has a knife through the fruit.

This article has already been taken down by John Gruber and Rene Ritchie, as well as the reality we experience in this space/time continuum. But the Macalope decided to give his two cents as well.

Because it’s just that dumb.

As is required by the law governing discussions of Evil Apple, the article is accompanies by an image from the company’s 1984 ad. CHECK. Please proceed.

But what if there weren’t

Paranoia The Macalope’s gonna guess it’s unbridled paranoia coupled with an unhealthy devotion to open source dogma. That’s what it usually is.

The thing about Shakespearean flaws is that they always lead to a downfall in the third act. Looking at Apple, it really doesn’t seem like that’s happening yet. Presumably this will come during the Year of Linux on the Desktop.

Which has no benefits whatsoever.

But what if it wasn’t!

Journey with Evans, if you will, to the land of BizarroApple!

Wait, before we do that, doesn’t it seem like this would be a good time for a “walled garden” reference for those of you filling out your anti-Apple diatribe bingo cards

There we go. OK, now let’s take a look through the looking glass of Evan’s mind at BizarroApple.

Apple makes money selling devices. One of the key differentiators between Apple’s products and those of its competitors is they don’t make money on your information. But in Evans’ world (which is one that only exists in his fever dream) Apple will ditch that competitive advantage because… well, we’re not really sure why. Because it hates our personal liberties or some such.

The problem with real benevolent dictators is they generally don’t let you go. How would Apple actually keep you using their devices once they decide they’re going to hand over all your information to the government’s jack-booted thugs We pretty much have to assume not only a change to our political system, but one to our economic system as well. Let’s also assume our reality is one in which humans regularly befriend and ride dinosaurs. As long as we’re making things up, let’s get something good out of it.

The irony here, of course, is that Apple is the company most called out by rapacious police officials as supporting child molesters because it protects its customers information. Damned if they do, damned if they do but theoretically in a parallel timeline might not.

Of course you can.

Of course they would.

Ish.

How do hackers jailbreak iPhones Through exploits. How do nefarious parties gain access to individuals phones to steal their information

Buh, uh, magic Mumble-mumble.

But welcome to the world of magical open-source thinking, where dreams and nightmares walk among us. Remember, open source cannot fail, it can only be failed. In most cases by reality.

Maybe Apple will make iOS less secure in order to make us more secure.

Sometimes in the name of Orwellian paranoia, we must use Orwellian double-talk. After all, you can’t make a utopian omelette without breaking a few reality eggs.

(www.macworld.com)

The Macalope

Zur Startseite