The Floppening, Part VIII: This time, Apple Watch is really a flop
Writing for Canada’s Globe and Mail, Shane Dingman is here (well, in Canada) to tell us “Why the Apple Watch just isn’t ready yet” (tip o’ the antlers to Pat Trivedi).
Nobody! What tech coverage are you reading The Macalope refers you to his collected works, which are virtually overflowing with people who have said it’s a flop based on their personal opinions and very little else. Surely Dingman is not going to do the same th-OW, THE MACALOPE’S RHETORICAL BONE.
I don’t like the Watch, so it is therefore a flop. QED.
Well, as long as we’re pulling out and measuring anecdotes, the Macalope does like his. So. Here we are. Welcome to Impasse Gulch, population: you.
Also, there’s at least some indication other people like it, too. That’s certainly not worth mentioning, though. Why even bring that up Pointless. At least Dingman didn’t waste any time on that.
Some people work in clay, others acrylics, some in ink. The Globe and Mail apparently works in butthurt. Their double truck devoted to Ms. Gladys Pemberton of Mississauga cancelling her subscription was recognized by the North American Butthurt Society for “critical advancement in the area of butthurt culture.”
¯\_(?)_/¯
Apple wouldn’t even tell us how many they shipped! Which they said they weren’t going to do back in October! So, clearly, they’re hiding something!
It is perfectly comparable to the kinds of watches the Macalope has worn for years while exercising. That is to say, it weighs as much as a watch does. If that’s too heavy for you, maybe you didn’t want to wear a watch while exercising in the first place. Which leads one to wonder why you’re considering a watch as an exercise tracker.
People, try to have an idea of what are deal-breakers for you before you run out an buy a device that any reasonable person would recognize beforehand would break all your particular deals. The Macalope can’t stress that enough.
“This ream of printer paper makes a terrible can opener!”
“Ned, what are you doing, Ned We talked about this. Put the paper in the printer, Ned. Ned. Ned. NEEEEEEEED!”
You can just say stuff! Dingman offers no evidence to support these opinions. He simply states them as fact without proving them to be fact. Did his break Did it scratch Did he find a study that says they break more easily than other devices These and other questions we shall take to our graves, for there are no answers here, only the wind howling through and empty canyon of the mind.
No, not other similarly functioning wearables, other bands that do fitness tracking. Does the Fitbit have an Instagram app
In the Macalope’s experience, notifications on the Watch come in at virtually the same time as notifications on the phone. He is not going to make a joke about it being related to the metric system because, let’s face it, the fact the U.S. isn’t on the metric system is an embarrassment.
The horny one is really not sure what Dingman is complaining about here. You pick up your Watch in the morning and it shows you notifications you missed overnight, which is different than what your phone does how
Or are we just piling any and all Watch complaints onto this bonfire of the frivolities
Why Because, Dingman says, a new watch will be just around the corner. Or, well, a year away. Just don’t buy one, that’s the important take-away here. As the Macalope has always said, never buy anything until six minutes before you die. It’s the only way to be sure you haven’t wasted your money on a device that will later get a nice upgrade. Getting utility out of things now is for suckers.
There are some complaints Dingman makes that are completely valid. Many elements of the interface are slow. The fitness tracking only seems to work consistently if you deliberately launch the workout app. Not everyone needs a $350+ device for notifications, etc. But these valid complaints are so buried in the deluge of unsupported personal opinion that it’s like trying to find the season 1 magic in season 2 of True Detective.
“What am I watching What is Vince Vaughn doing with his face”
Oh Well, that’s funny we should find out 14 paragraphs into this piece. It’s also funny that the headline and first two-thirds of the piece are dedicated to the Apple Watch, which is selling far better than these other devices.
Not really laugh-out-loud funny, but…
If it doesn’t change the world like the iPhone did, then what good is it
That’s some bar that Apple has to jump over, isn’t it It’s nice no other company is held to that standard.